Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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