You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
