ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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