On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
