I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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