No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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