Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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