I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize