My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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