yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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