Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
