Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
