Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
