You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
