I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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