So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize