If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
