i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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