I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize