I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
