I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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