I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
