Everything about him screamed your future.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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