I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
