there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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