Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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