It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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