i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Randomize
