i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
