oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
