So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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