dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
