Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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