Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
