Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
