It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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