Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
