it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize