I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
