Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
