your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
