real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
