i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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