I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Randomize
