C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize