Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
