Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
