right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize