Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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