Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
