drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
