he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
