I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
