Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
