When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
