You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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