i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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