Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
