My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
