Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
