Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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