3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
