I didn't shave. On purpose
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
