you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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