I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
