the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
