I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Too much gin, very little bucket
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
