One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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