I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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