you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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