You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
