WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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