Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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