I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
