This gyro tastes like lonliness
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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