i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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