Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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