Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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