god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My vagina is very pro this idea
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
