i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
