If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
my poor anus
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
