the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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