either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
How's work?
Spinning.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
