I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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