So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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