my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize