Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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