I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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