I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
