If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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