I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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