I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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