I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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