i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
