i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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