OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
